Aspirations + Kid Cudi + Snoop

I feel real tired. And it's not the sleepy or weak tired. But it's the I feel emotionally and psychologically drained tired. And to be honest, I can't put my finger on why. It's about 2:30am, and I just got back from a music video shoot with Snoop and Kid Cudi. How cool is that? Not gonna lie, it's pretty cool. Considering I idolized Kid Cudi last year, and Snoop Dogg is basically the uncle of west coast rap, it's pretty dang cool. I got to shoot some behind the scenes stuff and got to see them just chillin. But why is it that I don't feel the hype? Why is it I feel unsatisfied, anxious, and tired?

Maybe, I need a break. One of my favorite movies of all time is Collateral. In the film Jamie Foxx is a taxi driver, and he gives a ride to the stressed out lawyer played by Jada Pinkett Smith. In one scene Jamie's character tells Jada that she needs a break. He tells her that she is going to go crazy if she doesn't just relax and do nothing. It's hard to ask for a break when you just had a year long break which only ended three weeks ago. I feel guilty just considering it. But maybe I need to take a psychological break. I do feel like my desires or aspiration create certain expectations which I place on myself. And maybe those expectations are just squeezing me dry. I wonder if this the path that God wanted me to take. It seems like He closed certain doors, and He opened this door. I believe in the sovereignty of God, and I would like to think that I have given Jesus Lordship over my life. I don't feel like I am consciously disobeying him or rebelling against his will. But why don't I feel satisfied?

My friend told me I need to have more faith. I think he is right. I do need more faith. And maybe through more faith I will experience more peace. But the journey continues, and the grind doesn't stop. When I step back, I do see the many blessings in my life. That should be enough proof for me to believe that God has a plan for me. I still do believe, but I really want to see how this all pans out. Sorry, no pics on this post. I'll be adding a lot more stuff in the future. Also check out Snoop Dogg featuring Kid Cudi's new track "that tree." It's about remember where you came from, remembering your family.